These last few days, up to Yom Kippur, have been extremely challenging.

I could really feel the ‘din’ in the air, and that seemed to be manifesting itself in a lot of strange health issues.

That I got a bad cold is totally no big deal.

But my husband came back from Uman with a very badly infected foot – so infected, that he has barely left the house for a week, while we’ve been trying a million ways to bring down the swelling and get the ‘yuck’ to exit the gentlest, fastest way possible.

Then one kid had a chunk of her tooth fall off, and went to the dentist to be told it’s totally rotten and needs either extraction or a root canal.

This is a kid that’s never even had a single filling!!

What in the world?!

Then erev Yom Kippur, another kid started having very strange ‘back pains’ that literally had her howling in pain, much of the night.

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I went into Yom Kippur feeling extremely overwhelmed.

I also went into Yom Kippur asking Hashem what it is He wants from me, specifically, and from my family, that would help to mitigate all this ‘judgement’.

In hitbodedut before the Yom HaDin, I got the idea that I should go to the Rav for Kol Nidre, even though I usually fast pretty badly, so I don’t go anywhere much.

But, my husband was still laid up with his infected foot, and in my hitbodedut, I got the idea that there had to be some representative of my family by the Rav for Yom Kippur, even just literally for five minutes, and then everything would start to ‘sweeten’ again.

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So after I lit my candles, I girded my loins and walked off to Meah Shearim, where Shuvu Banim had erected a huge tent for the Yom Kippur davening.

They did that last year, too – but last year, the Rav was still in prison, so the core community who was praying with Shuvu Banim was much smaller.

I got there, and it was standing room only, exclusively for men, inside the tent. Outside, meanwhile, a couple hundred of women and children had brought their own Keter plastic chairs to try and join in with the services, hard as that was going to be.

As I stood there for a minute, unsure what to do because I couldn’t see or hear anything going on inside the tent, there was suddenly a commotion: the Rav was literally brought into the tent a minute after I got there, and I had the privilege of seeing him, albeit for just a few short seconds.

It was incredible hashgacha pratit.

Suddenly, the weight that had been tying me down for over a week started to feel much lighter.

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I didn’t have a chair with me, as I had to shlep in 40 minutes to get to Meah Shearim, so I sat on the pavement for 10 minutes – where I could hear absolutely nothing – then decided to go back home.

At home, the husband’s foot was still infected. The kid was still screaming with back pain.

And I wondered if maybe I’d just dreamed that ‘it’s all going to be OK now’ impression, back in Meah Shearim.

The kid eventually fell asleep, and I was feeling so overwhelmed and exhausted, I also fell into bed – but with the plan to wake up early the next morning, to do a six hour hitbodedut, as well as some Yom Kippur davening from the machsor.

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I woke up at 5.55AM, after a very powerful dream.

In that dream, I was in a ‘big city’ with my family, and half my family was with me, and the other half of extended family was in the food court of a mall located in the bottom of a massive skyscraper.

And I just knew that skyscraper was about to collapse, and there was nothing I could do to tell them, or get them out in time.

I watched the building fall down ‘from the outside’ and also ‘from the inside’, inside the food court where my family was, and all the lights fizzed out.

Things were not looking good.

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At that point, I was kind of half awake, but still half asleep, and I decided I had to ‘go back in’ to the dream to fix the outcome.

I went into the dark, collapsed food court, and I just visualised throwing Rav Berland’s tallit over my family members who I knew were there. The tallit ‘found’ them immediately, and as soon as they were under the wings of the tallit, they kind of ‘popped up’ safe and praying by the kever of Rabbenu, in Uman.

I did this a few separate times, with a few different people – and then I got a picture of Rav Berland in my head, dressed as the Kohen HaGadol, telling me three times:

Every house that has a prayer will be saved.

Then the Rav told me:

This is the message, and your job is to publicise it. Don’t forget when you wake up!

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I don’t get a lot of dreams, but when I do get them, and I remember them, they nearly always seem to be very meaningful (at least, to me.)

So, I am sharing the Rav’s message with you.

A couple of years ago, he gave a shiur where he explained that his prayers and his books are mamash what’s destroying the forces of evil in the world, and where he explicitly said that every home should have one of his prayers.

I know if you’re not a follower of the Rav, and if you’re ‘anti’ the Rav, this is very hard to swallow.

All I can suggest is that you do some deep hitbodedut on the question of Rav Berland, and ask God to show you the truth.

There is no other way of arriving at it.

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In the meantime, I woke up properly, and went straight into a six hour hitbodedut session to try to mitigate the din.

First, there’s the idea brought down in the Gemara that a dream goes after its interpretation, so I interpreted that building collapsing more as a symbol of the collapsing ‘world of lies’, than another explicit 9/11, God forbid.

The rest of the dream didn’t need a positive ‘spin’, because it’s obvious: the people who are connected to the True Tzaddikim, Rav Eliezer Berland AND Rebbe Nachman ben Faige and Simcha will be under their protection.

And that protection is very easily acquired: just make the minor effort required to get one of the Rav’s prayers in your home, if you don’t already one.

(More on how to do that practically at the end of this post.)

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Then for the next few hours, I was just really begging Hashem to have mercy on His people, my bit of it specifically, and all of Am Yisrael who are really struggling right now, because so many of us want to be closer to God, and want to be doing better, spiritually – but we are so mired in the world of lies, and all the tumah that is clogging us up on every level.

By the time I was done, I felt much happier again.

I prayed the Mussaf prayer, then went downstairs.

God, please show me what You want from me, and what teshuva I / we need to make, to get all this din to go away…

My eye fell on a book called ‘Anatomy of the Soul’, by the Breslov Research Institute.

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Long story short, the stuff it was saying about ‘spines’ seemed to fit a great deal of what was going on in the kid’s life.

I went and read bits of it to her (with her permission…) and I could see it was really resonating.

Her back was feeling better, but there was also a path of teshuva being required, that we could both see was coming more clearly into view.

Then, I cracked it open to ‘legs’, and a lot of what it was saying about legs / feet also seemed to resonate.

A path of teshuva started to materialise there, too.

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There is so much to say here, but I can’t write everything that I’m thinking or feeling.

Here’s a couple of points that I do want to share:

It seems to me that 5783 is the year where we can no longer ‘duck’ or avoid Hashem, or ‘duck’ and avoid the consequences of our own bad middot and negative actions.

All the chickens appear to be coming home to roost this year – which is a pre-requisite for the world of truth to start shining out, but also a very scary and difficult prospect.

For a layperson with no formal medical training, I am pretty clued-up on a bunch of ways of helping me and my family navigate our health issues without resorting to the evil Western medical tyranny.

The last few days, I have been feeling totally overwhelmed – and completely powerless. But that’s been teaching me a very important lesson:

God is the Healer, Only God.

And all our ‘knowledge’ and ‘potions’ aren’t going to help us, if we didn’t make peace with Hashem, and ‘deal direct’ with Him, and figure out the teshuva required for us to really get healthy again.

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In terms of my own teshuva process, I am seriously considering deleting all my content again, and starting with a clean slate here on the blog.

In the past when I’ve done that, it’s been totally obvious that was required, and so I did it without a second thought.

This time around, I have a lot of confusion about whether that is really what God wants, this time, so I am still doing hitbodedut about it, until I get the proper clarity.

But the point is, if there’s something like that required to get my family back to full health again, I will do it in a heartbeat.

So don’t get a shock if you log on and all the content has disappeared again.

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I want to leave you with some words of the Rav, taken from Rav Berland on the Jewish Holidays, in the section on Yom Kippur:

The Rebbe says: (LM 206),

A person sins and harms his soul; at first things continue to go well for him.

Then, Hashem begins to send him slight hints. If he still doesn’t get it, Hashem calls to him louder and louder, until the person starts getting kicked and pounded with suffering.

You sinned? Do teshuva!

The same Torah that told you it’s a sin tells you about teshuva!

But if you don’t do teshuva, then maybe after some suffering something will start to sink in, you will begin to do teshuva, begin to sob over your spiritual blemishes, get shaken up a drop!

And if not, then God forbid, a spouse will get sick, if not a spouse then the children, God forbid!….

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We are Jews!

Nothing is rectified for free!

By the Christians nothing is needed to be done, just go to the Priest and confess to him once a year and he says ‘forgiven forgiven’ afterwards, and then everyone continues as before.

By Jews, there is no such thing.

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For sins, a person must pay!

On every transgression he must pay! If a person doesn’t do teshuva and doesn’t wake up, then he starts getting hit with suffering, as it says “There is no suffering without sin.”

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There are 22 days from Rosh Hashana until Simchat Torah to fix everything.

Kabbalistically, from Rosh Hashana until Yom Kippur the judgments are sweetened, we sweetened our yetzer hara that it shouldn’t control us.

Now, from Yom Kippur until Simchat Torah there are 12 days for forgiveness of sins, we are now building the New Year….

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A week ago, the Rav was apparently saying there will be no nuke this year, but that there WILL be a lot of bombs…

And that Ukraine and Russia will destroy each other.

I didn’t hear it myself, but I’m passing on what I was told.

Regardless, a person would need to be blind to  not see that the whole world is currently in a very precarious state.

Yom Kippur is now behind us, be the final judgment is only finally sealed after Sukkot – we still have 10 more days, to dance, sing and make some real teshuva, to ‘build’ the next year as one of goodness, Torah, happiness and health.

No-one can afford to be complacent this year, that they’ve ‘made it through’.

There are very big things happening, very big judgements occurring, that need sweetening.

And the time when we could run away from Hashem, and complacently continue to sin without getting hit with suffering, are over.

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To get prayers from the Rav into your home, go HERE.

You can also order pre-printed prayers for a nominal fee, get one of the Rav’s books of prayers on specific topics, or simply just find a prayer and print it off yourself.

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